BARE ASS: Bionic Penis Edition

I would love to see a Hollywood movie about Mohammed Abad.  His story is one of giving a little, taking a little, and letting his poor heart break a little.

Mohammed Abad is a feel good story;

• About a six year old boy who has a horrible accident.
• Where he is run over by a car, the car drags him for 600 yards and then he loses his penis and a testicle.
• Man gets married, doesn’t tell his wife about his condition, man gets divorced.

Then the magic starts!  Man get some nice people to develop an eight-inch pump and hump bionic penis.   A couple of months go by and Mohammed is thinking, ‘hey my penis is perfect.  I’m ready to test this baby out.”  Instead of testing it out on the amateur side , he says screw that, ‘I’m a professional!”

Then decides his first sexual exploration is Britain’s 2013 Sex Worker of the Year and TV star of ‘Love for Sale’.  Yes,  Charlotte Rae! Charlotte is so honoured that she’s going to do Mo’s first boner pro bono.

Charlotte stated, “We plan to have a dinner date so we can get to know each other and then two hours of private time. I’m not charging him.”

That my friends would be an Oscar winning tail detailing the story of, that’s the glory of love.

 

BARE ASS: Mexico Man Breaks Into House Takes Nap

Mexican Man, Frank Shelby, faces charges after authorities say a couple found him naked in their bed.  One report stated, Shelby, was an unwanted mystery guest.  Which sounds like a game show what’s in this mystery bed!

Doesn’t he kinda look like Russell Brand

Shelby told officers he thought he was at his girlfriend’s house, however police reports said he went in through the window.  So either he and his girlfriend have a relationship like Joey & Dawson (from Dawson’s Creek), his ‘girlfriend’ didn’t tell him where the keys were or the house number or perhaps him and his girlfriend aren’t together anymore.

Police had to rip the blankets off of a disrobed Shelby, who was in a deep sleep, to wake him up.  That had to have been awkward for everyone involved.  Watching a naked man with his twig and berries on your bed.  Have you ever had a friend of your roomate’s sleeping on your couch and then had to wake him up the next morning because you were missing SportsCenter?  It’s gotta be like that except well he broke into your house, and took a naked nap in your bed, but other than that totally the same.

So Shelby breaks in through the window.  Not sure if it was the bathroom window or not but it obviously reminds us of the Joe Cocker song.

Goes to the fridge and grabs a sprite (who drinks Sprite anymore) because apparently there wasn’t porridge.  Then goes to the master bedroom, which was probably too hot so he had to take his clothes of which made it … just right.  Then he takes a nap.  Remind us of any fairy tale, right Humpty Dumpty …

The story would have been perfect if when awoke Shelby would have uttered … “Hey your not the three bears!”

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2014/07/30/new-mexico-couple-finds-naked-intruder-sleeping-in-their-bed/#ixzz38zU55ku1