Must Read Monday: 11-16-2015

Historic ASS:  In Flander’s Field

  • CTV News posted the poem on Remembrance Day.

Stink ASS:  Montreal Raw Sewage Dump

  • Canada Environment Minister Catherine McKenna said the situation “less than ideal” but the best solution to the city’s waste water crisis.
  • Former Conservative environment minister Leona Aglukkaq suspended the project to order an independent scientific review.  The results stated it would have limited impact on fish reproduction if done before the winter and monitored properly.

My Thoughts:  Hopefully there is a full post mortem to figure out how it got to this state and why aren’t we investigating sewage into fuel technology.

Up Your ASS:  Granny Hides Drugs Up Her .. Vagina

  • There is a story out of Spain 73-year-old woman drugs in little plastic kinder-egg shells for her son who was in prison.
  • That’s one hell of a kinder surprise …
  • My fav line from the article, “When she realized she was going to be frisked, she popped out the package.”
  • I mean, how do you convince your 73-year-old mom to do this?  Because I’m highly doubtful that she would offer this in the first place.  I’m not even sure I can say vagina to my motmma without giggling like a school girl.  Yet alone ask her to stuff ‘things’ up there.
  • “Hey ma, look I loved the scarf you knitted me last Christmas was awesome.  Oh the boys in the prison yard love it.  What colour was it periwinkle?  Anyways, I was wondering if you could do me a favour.  Do you mind stuffing some coke,  heroin and if you don’t mind some tranquilizers in some kinder eggs and then you know shove them up your vagina?”
  • This isn’t the first time Kinder eggs have been part of a smuggling ring

Awesome ASS:  Alex Thorne Retires from CPO at Age 13

  • Just over two years ago Alex Thorne was hired by Toy’s R Us as the Chief Play Officer (CPO) – a position created to promote play and provide the inside scoop on the hottest trends in the toy and gaming industry.
  • He has an awesome title and his own damn LinkedIn account – “As Chief Play Officer at Toys “R” Us Canada, I promote play and imagination and talk about the hottest trends in the toy and gaming industry to help parents and gift-givers across Canada.  It’s my job to know everything about toys and games so that I have the inside scoop!”
  • Alex turns 14 and will have to relinquish his title as CPO.

Vintage ASS:  Betamax Is Dead 

  • If you are the person that has a Betamax player than today is a sad day, I guess, but you probably had to have seen this coming.  Like 30 years ago.

ASSHole:  Robin Camp

  • Robin is a Federal Court judge who is under scrutiny for his conduct in 2014 rape case.
  • Mr. Camp asked the alleged victim; i. to keep her knees together ii.  told her to sink down so he couldn’t penetrate you.  Which I’m sure is helpful advice if you are getting sexually assaulted by someone.

Sexy ASS:  Two Lovers Shot to Death In Philly Park

  • Shakoor Arline (Tiger Woods look-a-like), 25, and Lisa Smith, 32 who allegedly were having an affair and shot to death in a crime of passion, according to Philadelphia police Captain.

SAD ASS: Daniel Fleetwood 

  • Daniel Fleetwood, thanks to social media, was able to watch  “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” which is to be released in Dec.
  • Fleetwood passed away at the age of 32, I believe from  spindle cell sarcoma (which sounds horrible) his wife stated, ‘is now one with God and with the force.”
  • Using social media they were able to persude Disney to grant Fleetwood his wish by retweeting #ForceForDaniel.  Among the celebrities were Mark Hamill & Carrie Fisher.
  • Jeopardy legend, Ken Jennings tweeted out, “It can’t be a good sign that every fan who has seen the new Star Wars movie died shortly thereafter.”  Goddamn timing Ken, timing …
  • So there’s this T-Shirt #ForceforDaniel for sale and the sales go to help with Daniel’s medical bills.
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