I am not judging whether Cosby is guilty or innocent of any of these allegations. The allegations that Cosby has sexually assaulted women has gone been over a decade. It was given new life when comedian Hannibal Buress calls Bill Cosby a rapist.
Now I’m no PR expert, but that’s not gonna be good for business. But it doesn’t go mainstream until mid-November when Cosby decides now is a good time to let his fans meme him. That kinda backfires on Cosby and the fans react with meme’s such as this one.
Hmm, maybe Bill’s team has an opening for a PR person. Let’s take a look at the Cosby files.
Here are 10 women that have allegedly been assaulted by William H. Cosby.
Covington went to Cosby’s place for career advice. His advice, “There isn’t anything you can’t do if you put your mind to it” (beautiful!) that and “If you put your hand on my penis we both could get a big raise!” (less beautiful) She said that Cosby guided her hand south towards his jogging pants. That’s a pretty ballsy Cosby putting the moves on a lady while wearing jogging pants. Covington’s father said, “She was traumatized and didn’t even tell her mother for two days.” She probably didn’t know how to bring up the subject, “Hey mom, I touched Cosby’s pudding pop!” Is that a phone or face-to-face conversation?
In 2004, Andrea Constand visited Cosby’s home to discuss career advice. Cosby, allegedly gives her three blue pills and when she wakes up he was digitally penetrated her. I’m not even sure what that means. I suppose the career advice Cosby gave Constand was to become a massage therapist. Cosby’s lawyers says Constand’s claims are “utterly preposterous” (I’m hoping they said that in a British accent) and also state that if Constand offers a happy ending be very, very cautious. Good advice Cosby lawyers.
Cosby offered to provide her some cold medicine at a dinner. Cosby allegedly went into some sort of office area at the back of the restaurant and he produced two capsules in his hand. What was there a pharmacist in the back part of the restaurant? Who is Cosby’s supplier the cook? Anyway, for 20 to 30 minutes I felt great and then about 10 minutes after that I was almost literally face down on the table of this restaurant. Then Cosby very helpfully and nicely took her clothes off before he assaulted her. After the assault wasn’t going as planned Cosby left two $100 bills and left. I’m sure that $200 should cover any physiological issues that she might have. That’s not all, he decided to give Tamara’s terminally ill brother a portable radio for all her troubles. Not sure this is proper protocol for when you get caught attempting to rape someone.
This one is a little weird according to her Philadelphia Daily News article. Cosby would talk to her about career advice, then they had an affair where she said she loved him. Ferrier ended the months-long consensual affair and Cosby’s reaction was to allegedly drug her coffee. After coffee the women began feeling ill. Next thing, Ferrier wakes up in her car all alone, clothes a mess and her bra undone. Ferrier sells her story to a supermarket tabloid for $7500. Also in the story, after a night with Cosby, he handed her a C-note and sent her to the deli for bagels and cream cheese. Holy shit, how expensive are bagels in New York?
Barbara Bowman decides it’s time to tell us that the Coz, ‘is a monster. He came at me like a monster.’ This 25 years after the incident. She stated Cosby used to say, ‘Trust me like I was your father.’ Either that or, “Who’s your daddy?”, hey it’s been 25 years who can remember. She details about a time in a dark room where, ‘he (Cosby) put my hand on his penis, covering it with his hand. He had me masturbate him. I couldn’t see what was going on. When it was over, I ran out of the room and threw up.’ Then she said it happens again ‘the apartment incident’, wait you felt so violated that you threw up and then thought to yourself maybe this time will be different. I know if beloved 80’s TV dad Allan Thicke invited me over to his house, drugged me, then made me jerk off his Thicke penis, I’d have to think twice about whether to go back or not. Hmm … I’d probably go back because you know it is Robin Thicke’s dad.
Tarshis says that Cosby took a liking to her and called her a ‘Midget’ as a pet name. I guess Cosby has a thing for Midgets too. I mean, Cosby has a thing for Midgets hmm … Tarshis goes back to his bungalow Cosby mixed her a Red-eye (Bloody Mary with Beer), next thing she feels woozy being undressed by Cosby on the couch and performing oral sex on him. I’d be worried that the drugged up woman would pass out and Bruxism my manhood. Tarshis later goes on to say she was repulsed by the thought of seeing him again, but she too does it again.
Traitz had been arrested and/or charged crimes such as ID fraud, theft & various drug offenses. Traitz wrote on her Facebook, ‘He drove out to the beach and opened a briefcase filled with assorted drugs and kept offering me pills “to relax,” which I declined.’ Wait let me get this straight Cosby drives to the beach offers you drugs, and Traitz, who seems to have drug issues, declines. If I was a drug addict and Cosby came to the beach offering me random drugs from a briefcase, I’d ask, “What do I have to do blow you?” To which, I believe, Cosby would say, “Finally, someone who gets me!”
Mortiz, an actress, said that Cosby approached her with his penis during the Carson’s Tonight Show in 1971. I always approach people with my penis, it’s alot better than approaching people without your penis. Just ask 90’s pop culture reference John Bobbitt. But I think the key, and maybe Cosby was allegedly confused, is to keep it in your pants. In the article it states Cosby, forced his penis in her mouth, saying, ‘Have a taste of this. It will do you good in so many ways.'” For you kids keeping track at home ‘have a taste of this’ is not a great pickup line. I mean did he hear that from a Ron Jeremy film. It almost sounds like it’s cough medicine. No matter how you say, ‘have a taste of this. It will do you good in so many ways.’ it’s going to come across as creepy. Cosby’s penis, is like Buckley’s cough medicine; it tastes bad but if you can choke it down he might find you work.
Janice Dickinson was a supermodel who had dinner with Cosby, afterwards he allegedly gave her a glass of red wine and a pill. The next morning Dickinson woke up, she wasn’t wearing her pajamas, she was sore and had semen down there. This was probably the sickest story I’ve read from a Cosby accuser. Many of the other accusers insinuate rape, this story jams it down your throat. If these stories are true Cosby is one sick bastard. On a side note, I always imagined supermodels sleeping in a giant bed wearing lingerie (not PJs) passing out after an invigorating tickle fight. Considering Dickson was a supermodel and likely knew a thing or two about drugs it raises this question. Just how strong were these alleged pills that Cosby was using that it’s able to knock out a 1980’s supermodel?
Carla mentioned, that he kissed her so hard, right in the mouth. Oh my God, not in the mouth! Um, where does Lou kiss her? She says, no one has ever been that physically violent with her. It took all her body strength to stop him and he was so forceful. Even, though it was before her time with Lou, you gotta think that this would make him angry and you wouldn’t like Lou when he’s angry. So Lou were you angry?
Personally, I imagine sex with Cosby is probably fairly similar to how he describes Denise’s first car …
I don’t think anyone really wants to wake up to that!
What I do know is that even though Cosby has a doctorate, people should stop taking pills from Cosby. If you ever have the opportunity to take career advice from Crosby, refuse. Although, Cosby is (was) loved and admired, I’m not sure people love his coffee or bartender skills. I will leave you with this. Do you really think a face like this could be capable of something this deviant?