FINE ASS: 7/14/2014 #MustReadMonday

Here are the best stories, news articles and randomness of the past week.

News:  Electric Blow Job Machine Crashes Website

  • It appears the launch of the Autoblow 2 may have been a little pre-mature.
  • The name Autoblow 2 seems like a really sucky (get it sucky!) Transformer
  • If the thought of the Autoblow 2 has you reaching for the phone.  Here’s more information.

News:  Woman steals beer and then a horse

  • Christine Saunders, 45, (picture below) allegedly stole a horse.  Then takes her stolen horse to steal her some beer.
  • Saunders, was then charged with public intoxication and illegal possession of a prohibited beverage.


Entertainment:  43 Princess Bride Facts

  • Among the Facts;
  • Reiner’s first choice to play Vizzini was Danny DeVito, but the role ultimately went to Wallace Shawn.
  • The Princess Bride was almost made into a movie in the ’70s, and a then-unknown Arnold Schwarzenegger was seriously considered to play Fezzik. By the time the movie was actually made, Schwarzenegger was too expensive to hire.


News:  Pilot Buys Delayed Passengers Pizza

  • Knowing they would have to get through customs, I wonder if the pilot ordered from a pizza place that had a 30 minute delivery guarantee.
  • There still probably would have been people that complained.  Why is my pizza cold?  What about the vegan passengers?
  • It’s weird that people complain about being delayed on the plane.  I know it’s an inconvenience, but the plane was delayed because of bad weather.
  • I wish some pilot would get on the microphone and say, “We apologize for the weather delay.  Hopefully you enjoy the convenience of being alive.”

News:  Walmart Masturbator

  •  The guys name was Johnson, Johnson was fondling his Johnson.
  • It was at Walmart.  After looking at the clientel at Walmart the last thing I’m thinking about doing is spanking the monkey.
  • There was mention of detectives.  I’m not sure you had to get the detectives for this arrest.  It’s not like he’s a criminal mastur(bating) mind.
  • It notes that he had to get out of his car and move to the passenger seat damn steering wheel getting in the way of a good time.
  • Johnson had purchased condoms & viagra. Maybe he popped a viagra in the parking lot, got lost along the way and by the time he found his car he was ready to go.

Randomness:  Reaction Gifs

  • A list of GIFs to be used responsibly.  Or irresponsibly.  Or not used at all.  Honestly I don’t care, I thought it might be something you like or don’t like.


News: Texas Man’s Responds To Obama

  • Here is the awesome exchange;
  • “Equal rights for gay people!” Webb declared.
  • “Are you gay?” asked Obama.
  • “Only when I have sex,” Webb quipped.
  • Fist Pump Ensued

fistbumpNews:  Two People Having Sex In Front of Church

  • I’m thinking that they probably wanted to have sex in front of the church they were probably just wanting to make sure that “he” would be watching when they yelled “his” name during sex.”
  • Looking at the beautiful couple, I’m guessing their house conditions aren’t the best.  Are you nibbling on my ear honey?  Um, no I think that’s a rat!  Let’s try not to ruin the mood.



News:  Daughter Sleeps Next To Mother’s Corps for 3 Years

  • In a scene out of Psycho, New York Post reported a daughter had dressed up like her mom and lived with her for up to 3 years.

News: Love Troubles for Teen Killer

  • He’s having trouble finding love after his fiance finds out he was a murderer.
  • Collier killed his adoptive parents and 10-year-old brother at the farm house they all shared in Mineral Point, in Iowa County in 1983. He pleaded no contest and was released when he turned 19, with a new name, and a share of his dead family’s estate.
  • It’s tough to read the article without saying in your head, “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!”
  • Come on people, if you can’t lie about being a 14-year-old murderer what can you lie about?

Random: Map of Dirty Places on Earth

  • The above link is a must click if you want to know where places like Crotch Lake, Ontario are.

Entertainment: Hilarious Closed Captioning Moments

  • Probably my fav site of the week.  For CC’s such as this.



Other Cool Random Articles:

Random:  Extend the Life of Your Stuff

Gadgets:  Keurig for Beer

Interesting:  Five Bizarre Things Your Body Does

Entertainment:  Simpson Facts

Random:  23 Things You Pretend To Like

History:  Death of Billy the Kid


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