FINE ASS – Must Read Monday

FINE ASS – Must Read Monday

Story of the Week:

  • News: Seattle Man Masturbates Twice On Bus
  • My Take, “Hmm, I’ve been on the bus a time or two, but I’ve never had the thought that this is a sufficent place to pleasure myself.  When pressed for comments the accused said those magical Double Dutch Bus lyrics, ‘Get on the bus and pay your fare, And tell the driver that, You’re gonna get a Double Dutch Affair, Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum, Well, I’ll be darn here it comes.'”

The rest of the best …

  • Random: Bridesmaid Buttshot Trend
  • My Take; “I feel old I didn’t even know this was a trend. This should change from a trend to a tradition. I like the fact the girls with the black dresses coordinated their panties. For the lady wearing the black panties with the blue dress second from the right um, black clashes with navy – duh!”
  •  News:  Woman Violently Beaten at McDonald’s In Front of Her Two-Year Old Son
  • My Take: “In the article the victim says, ‘McDonalds isn’t worth it.’  Hmm … you think?  I’m pretty sure McDonald’s isn’t worth it even without the savage beating.  Then within the article it states, several bystanders didn’t intervene instead they grabbed their phones and started recording the encounter.  This is what society has come too.  But perhaps the worst part of this, outside of the beating, is the McDonald’s owner issued a statement, ‘This employee will not be serving customers pending the police investigation’ um, I’m sorry did he just say employee?  Did he not mean to say former employee?  I mean come on what does it take to get fired from McD’s nowadays?”
  • News:  Paul Bernardo to Marry
  • My Take, “How does somebody even start dating Bernardo?  Oh so you are a sociopath? Hmm, wanna go out on a date?”
  • News:  Ex-Cop Killed Two Women During Rough Sex then Hiding Their Bodies in Suitcases
  • My Take, “The former officer killed two women during rough sex and then put their bodies in suitcases that he hid for months before dumping the bodies. He is charged with two counts of hiding a corpse, I didn’t even know this was a thing, after the suitcases were found.  He should also be charged with performing sex very, very wrong!”
  • Enterainment:  11 Things About Forest Gump
  • My Take, “The link is interesting facts (such as, the author of Forest Gump wanted John Goodman to play Forest) about Forest Gump which is now 20 years old.”
  • News: Pen in Woman’s Stomach
  • My Take:  Look I’ve gotten drunk before but never swallowed a pen drunk after doing well in an exam.  I probably didn’t need to write the last six words in the previous sentence.”
  • Random:  Cracked – 50 Most Awesome Things Done My Americans
  • My Take: ‘Above article is must read.  Including stories about; Roosevelt riding a moose (with a picture), Pres. Jackson beats assassin with a cane, bear wrestling, Pres. Johnson was sex machine & Samuel Whittlemore.”
  • News:  Joey Chestnut Wins the Mustard Belt
  • My Take:  “Chestnut, in the article, is referred to as America’s hero.  This is a sad state of affairs if a hot dog eater is ‘America’s Hero’ …  So let’s get past that he eats 61 hot dogs, I feel like a pig when I eat four.  But the best part is Captain Tapeworm, proposes to his girl BEFORE the contest.  I guess he didn’t want to have hotdog breath before asking her.  Who says romance is dead?”



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