FINE ASS – June, 27, 2014

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FINE ASS – Fun Internet News & Entertainment

News:  Man asks jogger for directions then shows off his twig & berries.
My Take: We probably don’t know the whole story. The man in his 20’s asks an 18 female for directions. When he leaves the car, damnit he forgot to put on pants. Who doesn’t enjoy the feeling of air conditioning on your nut sack. He probably just forgot. Or maybe there was probably a nice pants shop at Multnomah Falls (place he asked for directions too) and he figured well I’m gonna buy pants anyways no sense in dirtying another pair.

News: Naked Man Takes Police on a Slow Speed Chase on a Tractor
My Take:  Another story involving a naked man.  My fav story of the week for a lot of reasons; it is in the Renfrew paper, it involves stupidity, police chase, a 1973 Massey Ferguson tractor (I love that they put the year in), nakedness, and of course a good ol’ fashion drug feuled rage.

News: 12-Year-Old Boy takes bus for Joy Ride
My Take: “The bus was parked in front of the driver’s home with the keys still inside, and the suspect was riding his bike around 4 a.m. when he saw the unlocked boss. At 4 AM!!!  Hey kid, get to bed!  The quote from the police chief, “We watched him on the video, and you would have thought he was one of our trained bus drivers. Twelve years old, and he had no problem driving that bus. I was really shocked that he was able to do that.” I’m not sure if that’s how impressive the suspect was or how poor the bus drivers are, but it sounds like this might be a career opportunity … But it’s always great when you can get expert analysis from a Walmart employee, “He was having a hard time parking it, like he’d never drove one before.” Um, maybe because he was 12 years old and it was 4 AM in the morning! When pressed for comment the suspect said, “I am an aspiring bus navigation specialist and have had an admiration for this profession after watching Ms. Frizzel in the Busasaurus episode.”

News: Police capture 3 Inmates who Escaped Prison in Helicopter Jailbreak 
My Take; “Who the hell has the balls to attempt a prison escape using a helicopter? I hope the person behind the prison escape is a big, ball guy with a white suit, and a cat and/or a monocle.”

NICE ASS:  NBA & NBA Commish Adam Silver
My Take, “NBA Commissioner Adam Silver selected Isaiah Austin between the 15th and 16th picks in last night’s draft. Just over a week ago, Austin was diagnosed with Marfan syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that ended his playing career. Around the same time as the pick came in millions of American’s were cutting onions.”

News:  Bear Crashes Birthday Party
My Take, “The bear climbed onto the roof of a house, then burst through a skylight and landed in the living room.  Woke up and started to lick the icing off the toddlers birthday cupcakes.  Then it was shot by police and probably charged on one count of being a bear.  It was like a freakin’ bear jamboree around there!  They need the Bear Patrol, but let the bears pay the Bear tax.  I pay the Homer Tax.”

News:  Cat Kid Napped um CatNapped ?!? …
My Thoughts:  My second Renfrew Story.  The only reason I brought this up was because of the first joke in Tommy Johnagin’s set

Now for some more Watch That ASS  …

Fan Dancing to Bon Jovi

Ship My Pants – One of the best commercials of all time.

Cuba Gooding jr. – He was at the NHL Awards and it was painfully awkward.

 

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